I Dream In Digital

Friday, August 12, 2011

Never Say Never

As I am currently taking the steps to follow the vision that God has placed on my heart, the title and theme of a post I read on Christine Caine's blog from a guest really struck a nerve. The title was "Never Say Never". In the post, Bianca Olthoff wrote...

"Never tell God you'll never do something. It's almost like the summer camp game, Truth or Dare, but you're playing against the cosmic champion. Yup, it's TOTALLY an unfair advantage. But God is a gracious winner who creates challenges to prove you aren't as weak as you perceive yourself to be."

It made me laugh. Why? Because I reasoned with God a long time ago and told him that I couldn't study medicine in college because I could "never" make life and death decisions for anyone. That was years in double digits ago. We just finished up a series about "Vision" at church and it struck me pretty hard that I wasn't on the right road to reach my vision. To borrow a quote from Holly Wagner, "I was running in someone else's lane." I realized that the burning fire I thought I had snuffed out long ago was simply just switched back to a pilot light, ready and waiting to be ignited.

Houston, we have ignition!

So now I'm impatiently waiting to see if my application was accepted so I can go back to school to study what? If you answered medicine, you get an A for the day. It's going to be a slow part time process for a while. I need to find out which of my core classes will transfer, complete the dreaded placement testing, etc. The most important thing I've learned...Texas and Iowa are very different when it comes to core classes. I have to take 2 History and 2 Government courses. Believe me...I'm thrilled. I'm pretty sure by the time I have my BSN, I'll have enough credits for an extra degree. Did I mention that I'm planning to go to Nursing School on the cash plan with no loans? Maybe I should just save that for a post of it's own!

But what about the life and death decisions that you said you'd never make? The long and the short of it is that I had to make those decisions on a daily basis after our daughter Emma was born 14 weeks premature. My micro preemie weighed a whopping 1 pound 13.6 ounces at birth. We were forced to start making those life/death decisions within hours of her birth. Consents had to be given for transfusions and procedures and suddenly the thing I said I would never do was exactly what I WAS doing. It was a humbling moment when I figured that out. God used my daughters birth to teach me a lesson about myself that I was too afraid to challenge on my own. I was stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. As I watched the nurses skillfully attend to my daughter, I saw brief glimmers of myself in their shoes. It was those moments when I knew that someday my dream was going to finally take flight.

I'll leave you with this. I posted this video on Facebook this past week because the lyrics really speak volumes! (Did I also mention the series that followed "Vison" was about fear? They're kind of like peanut butter and jelly, they always seem to be found together!)



Walk On The Water
Songwriters: Josh Crosby; Dan Muckala; Brittany Nicole Waddell

You look around
It's staring back at you
Another wave of doubt
Will it pull you under?
You wonder
What if I'm overtaken?
What if I never make it?
What if no one's there?
Will you hear my prayer?

When you take that first step
Into the unknown
You know that he won't let you go

Chorus:
So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to hold to you

You know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all
It takes and you can
Walk on the water too

Verse 2:
So get out and let
Your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste
Don't wait
Don't you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for
I know you're not sure
So you play it safe
Try to run away

When you take that first step
Into the unknown
He won't let you go

(chorus)

Bridge:
(step out)
Even when a storm hits
(step out)
Even when you're broken
(step out)
Even when your heart is telling you telling you to give up
(step out)
When your hope is stolen
You can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid

So what are you waiting,
What are you waiting for?

So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to hold to you

You know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all
It takes and you can
Walk on the water...
Walk on the water too

Photobucket

1 comments:

The Goslee's said...

Love it! You will be so wonderful with this...loving, patient and grounded. Exactly what someone will need in these "life and death" situations :)

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